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| People keep telling me 25 things on Facebook.
1. I grew up in outer space, on a high gravity planet. I learned ninjutsu from a higgs field bozon by the name of Benjamin Franklin. He is now a funk singer.
2. I know very little about modern accomodations such as chairs. The life of a biped must be strange.
3. Garbum horshcrat morba vork.
4. Human research of cause and effect seems silly given the proven nondeterminism of the universe.
5. The chicken actually came before the egg. Mr. Franklin told me.
6. Many people still do not know that milk is in fact good for you.
10. New Felchian technology allows the cataloging of every particle in the universe. Now, instead of passing on your genes, you can create a legacy by arranging cataloged particles such that they form an entity that has your personality. See the work of Spenser Smith (the real one).
11. Ben Franklin sings at the Gravity Club. I'm so funny.
12. Justifying what is easy sucks a lot more than doing what is right.
13. I hereby tag 25 people.
14. 14 is a prime number.
15. It's mathematically impossible to prove that you're smarter than someone. See the halting problem.
16. I almost just lost my work due to my shitty battery.
20. Tomorrow I will steal and tame a Budweiser horse from the Foundry so I can storm an earth castle and kidnap a female earthling of royal authority.
21. 21 is not divisible by "7", but it is divisible by 3.
22. Ninjutsu taught me how to kick ass, and how to play the guitar. It's too bad for you that I left my guitar at home.
23. USEFUL INFORMATION!
24. Hi Bob!
25. According to the council, the most significant Earth invention is South Park. | | |
| It's time to get awesome. You know what that means.
The first time I ever went fishing was with grand master Hanson of the Autumn Hurricane Clan. We drove down to the Castle of Peaceful and Relenting Death by Leprosy and parked by the gate. On the way in we met a few of the guards, who were avid fishers themselves. One called himself John, which was pretty easy to remember, and the other one had some sort of click in his name.
We had to buy our rods inside the castle, because they don't have much of a village and all the cool vendors hung out inside anyway. Grand master Hanson said he had lost his rods many years ago in some sort of adventure.
Fully equipped, we headed for the harbor. Our plan was to walk the Pier of Destiny, which was pretty freakin' long. By the time we got to the end, it was nearly noon.
At that point, grand master Hanson's son began vomiting all over the place, and screaming some sort of gibberish about catching a bus.
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| I am a pirate. I have sailed the ocean blue. My feet smell like gunpowder, and my shoulders smell like parrot. I eat my four month old apple with pride so that I don't get scurvy, and I eat the worm too for protein.
I have stolen all the great treasures of the world at one time or another. I have bathed in Julius Ceasar's bathtub. I have filled my car with gas at the oil pipelines in Georgia. I have blown my nose on Joan of Ark's handkerchief.
The revenue of the pirate's life is not for me. The greatness is to behold the treasure, and to feel immersed in its wonder.
The greatness is alcohol. The average pirate drinks a bottle of rum every day, and a bottle of whiskey every night. And a bottle of rum every night. Their ability to metabolize alcohol is increased by the power of the sea. Just as drinking a cup of water helps the young freshmen get through their third beer, the ocean fills the pirate with the spirit of water as he pounds hard liquor straight from the bottle.
A pirate cannot disguise himself.
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| There is caffine in my system. It is making me loopy.
The boss of soda mountain invited his leftenants to a parade clad in blue. Night was the time of day, and all shot and were merry. Balls flowed like water, water flowed like alkie, and the smell of oxygen was thick in the air. Three and four we were, dandy and striking in our velvet. The wheels rolled thick as we crept through the green. Breaking all the while were the spinners, and gleaning at last pure excellence. Sonic Boom!
The price of admission to the house of salt is envy.
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